


A Modern Fairytale by the Brothers Winchester

by Zanne



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Gen, Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-06-08
Updated: 2011-06-08
Packaged: 2017-10-19 21:47:53
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,233
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/205562
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Zanne/pseuds/Zanne
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dean tries to tell a story with Sam's help.</p>
            </blockquote>





	A Modern Fairytale by the Brothers Winchester

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks to [](http://tigriswolf.livejournal.com/profile)[**tigriswolf**](http://tigriswolf.livejournal.com/) for beta-ing! This story is pure silliness. Kripke owns the Winchesters.

  
_Once upon a time…  
_  
Good beginning, Dean. _**Very**_ original.

Thank you.

 _Once upon a time, there was an extremely handsome prince who had the coolest ride in the kingdom…  
_  
No snorting from the peanut gallery, Sam. It ruins the mood.

So sorry… _ **prince**_.

 _…this prince had a magic power…_

To be annoying?

I’m ignoring you, Sam.

 _…he had the magical ability to make any princess’ panties disappear. *poof*  
_  
Dean! First of all…* _ **poof**_ *? And is that really appropriate, considering your audience?

What? They can’t understand what I’m saying. Damn! Shit! Fuck! See?

But _**I**_ can. And I think the princess that’s out shopping for a new stroller might be interested in this story.

 _The prince had a younger, far less attractive, brother who was freakishly tall and had bad breath…  
_  
Very mature, Dean.

 _…who had a few secrets he didn’t want **his** princess to know…  
_  
You _**wouldn’t**_.

 _…like the time he got drunk in Tallahassee and went on stage at the Eager Beaver and began to…  
_  
Dean! I won’t tell. Just stop…and try to limit the cursing to the basics, all right?

Can do, dickwad.

That’s a compound word, Dean – dick is fine.

 _…so the far uglier younger brother was always begging the prince to be boring and to focus on work all of the time…  
_  
Running a kingdom takes a little effort, you know.

 _…which the prince knew because his brother blah-blah-blahed on-and-on about paying bills, health insurance, and college funds…  
_  
Well, what can I say. Our treasury was never what you’d call _**full**_. The King wasn’t a long-term investor. You’d think he’d never heard of a 401K or a mutual fund in his entire life…. All we had in our savings account were dust bunnies and an empty Pez dispenser. I’m guessing that was _**your**_ contribution to our fiscal future, Dean.

 _…that’s why the prince used other people’s treasuries to pay his bills like the King taught him…_

Dean? You didn’t get another credit card, did you? You said you were going to stop that.

You want my family to stock up on Pez, Sam? It’s just for emergencies.

 _…so the handsome prince and his ugly little brother went hunting deep in the haunted forest…  
_  
Don’t worry, Sam. I’ll keep the gore G-rated.

Like _**Bambi**_?

Dude…. _ **don’t**_. That’s not funny.

Sorry, Dean.

Don’t think I can’t hear you laughing, asshole.

Watch the compounds! If the kids can conjugate curse words before pre-school, I’m going to kick your ass, Dean.

Sure…motherfu-

DEAN.

Heh. Not like I’m lying though, is it? She’s a mother now and you fu-

God-dammit, Dean!

Now who’s…compounding?

 _…so the prince and his younger Sasquatchian brother…_

That’s not even a word.

It is now. Use your imagination, Sam!

 _…went deep into the heart of the dark forest where the evil Jo dwelled…_  

The evil _**what**_?

 _…the evil Jo was a horribly annoying and whiny thing that liked to provoke the handsome prince…_

Dean, you haven’t talked to her for years. What’s with the malice?

Nostalgia. Shut it, Sam.

Is this _**still**_ about the Impala? You could barely see the scratch!

 _…so they hunted the vicious, evil Jo who didn’t know how to drive and marred the finest piece of equipment God granted mankind with her shitty little Hyundai…  
_  
Let it go, Dean. _**Seriously**_.

 _…and when they found the hunchbacked troll-witch…_

 __Troll-witch? Is that like Sasquatchian?

Why can’t a troll be a witch?

Because they can’t speak so they can’t use incantations.

But they have noses – they could be like Tabitha from _**Bewitched**_.

They’re _**trolls**_.

Fine.

 _…and when they found the hunchbacked troll-bitch…  
_  
That’s really not any better, Dean.

Should I stick with troll-witch then?

Please do.

 _…and when they found the hunchbacked troll-witch…  
_  
You’ve already said that.

You keep interrupting me, Sam. You’re ruining the creative process here!

 _…she was shacked up with this huge yellow-eyed dragon disguised as a…goat-herder…  
_  
A goat-herder?

Yeah, a goat-herder. You prejudiced against people who work with goats, lawyer-man?

No, I am not prejudiced against fictional dragons pretending to be goat-herders.

 _…they were planning to stomp through the village scratching all the other fine vehicles with their crusty toenails…_

Good story, Dean. Really good.

I know!

Sarcasm completely escapes you, doesn’t it.

 _…and they accidentally stepped on the prince’s ugly brother, making him even uglier…and taller because he got so flat…  
_  
Does that make the younger brother a Flatsquatchian?

Heh. Yeah, I guess it does….

 _…so the prince and his hideously deformed little brother…_

So I go from just flat to hideously deformed now? Thanks.

You’re welcome. It’s called dramatic tension.

No…it’s not.

It’s my story and I say it is.

I’ll call Steinbeck and tell him to hold onto that Pulitzer or you might just steal it away from him with this masterpiece of literature.

 _…the prince wanted to be sure to mention how grotesque his little brother was. The younger brother so horrified the townsfolk that his appearance in the town square made the villagers throw rotten fruit and rocks at him…  
_  
 _ **Rocks**_?

 _… **BIG** rocks. Boulders even…_

Was this town inhabited by the offspring of the Incredible Hulk?

Um…yes.

 _…so after the townsfolk finished throwing rocks at the prince’s little brother, they realized they were screwed because they still had to deal with the troll-witch and the goat-herder and they’d used up all of their rocks…  
_  
Nice plotting, Clancy. I’m on the edge of my seat.

Shut it.

 _…so the townsfolk begged the prince to save them from this horrible evil…  
_  
What about the brother?

 _…and they let the little brother help him…  
_  
How kind of them.

 _…the prince thought so, considering his brother’s deformity made them all want to throw up…  
_  
Maybe the little brother should point the troll-witch and the goat-herder in the direction of the prince’s parked car.

Don’t mess with the car, Sam. _**Ever**_. Not even in your imagination.

You are such a freak.

 _…the much beloved prince who was totally **NOT** a freak went to save the day, with his little brother in tow…_

I can’t wait to hear how this ends.

Told you, Sam…it’s all about the dramatic tension.

 _…and they followed the troll-witch and her goat-herder to the abandoned…salt mine…in the mountains…_

Why did they go to a salt mine when they were just about to crush cars?

They are evil and nefarious. We mere mortals who are pure of heart cannot understand their ways, Sam.

You really have no idea where this is going, do you?

Not a clue. I expected them to fall sleep by now.

 _…and the prince proceeded to blast the troll-witch and the goat-herder with laser beams from his eyes…._

You just stole that from **_X-Men_**.

Um…OK…

 _…who was really an assassin from the future disguised as the prince…_

 _ **Terminator**_.

Fine!

 _…who sprang out of the water and shot them with an uzi in each hand…_

 _ **Rambo**_ and/or _**Predator**_.

You _**suck**_.

Sorry, Dean.

 _…and it started raining puppies and Skittles and everyone lived on hugs…  
_  
Happy, Sam?

Extremely. But you forgot something….

What?

The part where the deformed younger brother steals the prince’s keys and takes the car to the store to buy some more formula.

Wait…wha-?

See you in about an hour, Dean.

Sam! You can’t leave me here with all of them!

Suck it up, prince. You’re in charge of the kingdom. Fare thee well.

  



End file.
